1. THE DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDREL

Found: Glad-handing at the Carlton lobby bar.

Drink: Whatever he orders on your tab (likely some brightly colored French liqueur no one can pronounce).

Transpo: Knowing all the back alleys and secret entrances, he needs no transportation other than his own confidence.

Male, suit and tie, impeccably coiffured hair, bad teeth and worse accent. He is at all the best parties, knows all the VIPs and appears wealthy yet pays only in charm. He has been to Cannes more years than you have been alive, and claims to have had the penultimate affair with the courtesan whose you-know-whats inspired those domes atop the Carlton.

He has a running inside joke with Alec Baldwin - when they see each other they point crooked fingers skyward, make silly faces, and crack up, never exchanging a word.

He is not on IMDB yet has a squadron of horrendous yet passionate movie pitches on hand, perhaps invented on the spot. If you hear: "It's an erotic thriller about the blind and big-calved wife of the rotary phone inventor who had an affair with Mussolini," you are likely in the presence of The Scoundrel.

Maybe he's for ...